E3: the week in review (filter is OFF)
Finally back home. Flight was dreadful. Was there a crying baby? No, there was a shrieking baby. Shrieking like a sexually frustrated bonobo monkey* Aside from the noise, the dude in the seat next to me was a quadruple douchebag: 1) Elvis shades 2) patchouli stench 3) $100 bill cellphone faceplate 4) man jewelry. He was also encroaching on my personal space. Wait, Trix, did you by any chance have to view the grey tufts of oldster chest hair sprouting from his unbuttoned ugly shirt? God help me, I did.
Oddly, the same Nintendo boys that were on my flight to L.A. on Monday were on my flight going home. One even grabbed my suitcase from the baggage carousel thing for me. The tall one showed me a pic on his cell phone of him flipping off his 360 and its ring of fire. I apologized, and he said it was okay, it was all fixed now. I then made a point of telling him how much I enjoy my pink DS Lite.
Anyway, let’s get on with it, shall we?
Highlights of E3 2007
- Queens of the Stone Age at the Rock Band party. Me and DirtyDiva were in the front row. The drummer was sort of a Neanderthal, but I was fully prepared to lick the sweat from his tattooed abs. After the show Josh Homme told DD and I he appreciated us being in the front row. I told him that the combination of the front row placement and having our hands on the speakers resulted in (sorry kids) a full body orgasm. Josh laughed and said, "Well, we aim to please."
- Playing Viva Pinata Party Animals with Bear, Maj and Huffy and coming in 2nd in the burping boat race. (this is documented in a video on Xbox.com. I’m wearing sunglasses. See if you can guess why)
- Hanging out with GamerchiX at the Community Party
- Playing Guitar Hero III. I rocked "Welcome to the Jungle" twice!
- Hanging out with Frankie and talking shit about KP.
- Meeting Fruit Brute and Tiny Dancer from GayGamer.net. Me love them long time!
- The ‘present’ I brought back for KP *snicker*
Lowlights of E3 2007
- Bullriding results in much Trixie mockery and extremely sore thighs. There is a rumor I smacked my face on the bull’s horns but I have no recollection of this, nor any bruises, so not sure what to make of that.
- I never want to see another Kobe burger as long as I live.
- I did not make it to Barker Hangar or any of the showcase suites. In fact i did not leave the Viceroy hotel from the moment my drunk ass stumbled back Wednesday night until I left for the airport Friday afternoon.
- Vomit count: 2
- I sunburned my tummy. Well, I did it before E3, but it still hurt AT E3.
- Maj went to In n Out Burger without me!!!
- Ill-advised Trix quote of the show? Me to Vice President Jeff Bell on hearing about his astonishing Pac-Man CE score: "Rock the fuck ON, JB!" We high-fived, so hopefully I’m not fired on Monday.
I am super duper tired. I’ve spent 15 days on the road in the last six weeks. My suitcase is a wobbly-wheeled unbalanced piece of poop. I’m going to Singapore in two weeks.
* Bonobos (sometimes called Pygmy Chimpanzees have sex up to 30 times a day). And yes, I know chimps are apes, not monkeys. Monkeys is a funner** word.
** Same deal with "funner", i.e. aware, don’t care.