Happy Birthday J******bean

Happy B-day to my dear friend, former roommate, and partner in many many crimes, JN.

Dollface, I’d love to post that picture of you from Freshman year where you’re burping and Barcardi 151 is dribbling out your mouth… but I value my life too much.

Many happy returns of the day!


  1. Do you still have that photo? B’cause if I ever want to run for office or work for the gov’t I’m going to need you to destroy it and never speak of it again. In the meantime however, I have a certain sense of pride toward it especially as I age…

  2. I would never publish it. Especially since you have photos of me with some unsightly bruises which we don’t need to go into….

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