The Five Sins of Summer

I hoped it wouldn’t come to this. But the onset of summery weather in Seattle has brought something to my attention that I hoped would just go away.
I know not all of you are offenders, but working at Microsoft I see a host of summer sins that I’d like to go away.
  1. Denim shorts. Just don’t do it. Girls can do it–in fact I frequently bust out the Daisy Dukes–but men can NOT. It’s unsightly and dorky and we girls beg you to just throw them away. I have even seen an occasional hottie wear those and so clearly even the best of you need to be educated.
  2. Sandals. If you have gnarly toes, hobbit-like tufts of hair on your feet, or yellow crusty toenails, keep your damn feet covered up! However this does not mean you should ever wear…
  3. Socks with sandals. What the hell are you thinking, boys? Why don’t you just put a big piece of tape on your glasses, bust out a pocket protector and pick your nose–it all just screams geek.
  4. If you have fabulously toned arms please please please wear tank tops–yummy. If your upper arms resemble fat loaves of bread dough or twigs…keep ’em under wraps.
  5. Speedos. Nuff said.

Thank-you for your prompt attention to this matter. Please drive through.


  1. What’s this? No demin shorts? Meh! I will not comply :)And I know ya dig my hobbit feet. OK, in truth my feet aren’t bad at all, so I have no issues with Teva. And with the new Keens I bought, even less toe show, so yay that I’ve conformed.Didn’t they mandate something with socks and sandals as part of the latest Monorail bill or something? I won’t ever do it – too much east coast in me still. Same thing with tank tops – those are for goombas and respectably bodied people. And speedos… there’s no right to wear lycra. It’s a privledge and one that should never be extended to men.Hey wait. What are you doin’ checkin out m’bum and my shorts, while I’m on campus anyway?!

  2. My step-dad used to wear argyle socks with sandals, bright yellow sweaters, tan pants, yellow shoes. It often reminded me of that classic line in Sixteen Candles, "What was he wearing? Well, uh, let’s see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes… No, he’s not retarded."I wouldn’t be seen within 20 feet of him…Grape smugglers are not acceptable on anyone – especially 80 year old men…

  3. Not even baggy, carpenter-style denim shorts? Come on, those things are all over The Gap and Old Navy ads!

  4. NO! No denim shorts. I don’t care what the Gap or Old Navy say. Why are you guys resisting this so much? Diva, back my up on this one. Denim shorts are butt. They completely sap any sex appeal you may have and lemme tell you, most of these MS boys ain’t got a drop to spare.

  5. Phew, thank god I stopped wearing denim shorts in the early 90s. I’m finally hip!

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