As I count down the hours to “MegaPython vs Gatoroid” starring Tiffany and Debbie Gibson, I am filled with the ardent desire to work for SyFy penning Original Movies. Cheeses large and small of SyFy, consider this my resume. This is just a taste, you want the whole thing, contact my agent.
Bingasaurus vs Googleraptor
A SyFy Original Movie written by Trixie360.
Close-up on a seismometer displaying a jagged line indicating earth tremors. Caption: Mountain View, California. The camera pulls back to reveal a pair of limpid blue eyes in nerd specs. As the camera moves to a medium shot, we see Dr. Paloma Alto, played by Baby Spice. Her brow is furrowed.
“This can’t be good,” she says.
She rips the printout off the seismometer, whips off her glasses, and unbuttons the top three buttons of her lab coat.
“Get the White House on the phone.”
Cut to a military helicopter banking over Mt St Helens. Inside, the dashing Captain Redmond, played by Rick Springfield, motions to the pilot to get closer to the crater. The pilot yells over the engine noise.
“No can do, boss. It’s too dangerous.”
“Dammit, if you won’t take me down, I’ll get there myself.” Captain Redmond parachutes into the crater, his mullet rippling in the wind.
Red grunts alluringly as he hits the ground, rolls, and releases himself from his ‘chute.
Close up on Red’s ear.
“What the hell is that?
“Sir?” the pilot’s voice is heard from Red’s walkie-talkie thing.
“Something’s down here,” Red says ominously.
Cut to: Sycromoft Headquarters. In a secret lab beneath Building 33 evil nerds type code into their computer terminals. A neo-Nazi Program Manager literally cracks a whip and says “Faster nerds, faster!”
“The servers can’t take anymore,” one whines.
“Just do it!” The PM snaps.
Cut to: Moogle Secret Headquarters underneath San Francisco Bay. An identical scene to the one going on at Sycromoft. But the task master is not a Neo-Nazi, it’s a mustachio’d child molester who also owns a puppy mill.
“Mwa ha ha ha… it is almost complete. Those bastards won’t know what hit them.”
A nerd with an “Uh-Oh” app open on his iPhone sidles up and says, “Chester, I want to reiterate my objection. According to my calculations–”
Chester the Molester’s pupils dilate creepily as he gazes lovingly at a loading screen showing 90% completion.
Suddenly! The secret lair begins to shake. The bay begins to boil, the Golden Gate bridge to buck wildly.
From out of the Bay ascends: Googleraptor!
Cut to the interior of Mt. St. Helen’s.
Captain Redmond screams into his walkie talkie thingy:
“Get me out of here STAT!”
The helicopter descends dangerously as ash and steam begin to escape from the crater. Red grabs onto the landing thing and the chopper flies off just as a hideous beast explodes from the crater in an orgasm of lava. Behold: Bingasaurus!
Well, SyFy, what do you think? The two beasts will battle it out in Portland causing confusion and destruction throughout the west coast. Who will save the day? Who will restore the tubez of the interwebz? I’ll give you a hint: a retired community manager played by… hmm…how about Alyssa Milano?