Carlin’s Seven Dirty Words and My Novel

Earlier this week, I hit the 50,000 word milestone on my new novel. I took a screen cap and posted it on Facebook where a friend asked the question I’m sure many were thinking: “How many of those are ‘fucker’? As it turns out, using the delightful Ctl F, out of 50,927 words there were 77 words that included ‘fuck.’ Is that a lot? I’m not sure. I don’t remember how to figure out percentages.


Just how foul is my mouth? Those of you who know me personally are laughing right now. Am I dialing it back in my writing? Let’s find out, shall we? For the standard of dirty words, let’s go with George Carlin’s Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television, and put that Ctl F to good use. My novel is now 52,626 words long.

Shit = 55
Piss = 17
Fuck = 77
Cunt = 0
Cocksucker = 0
Motherfucker = 1
Tits = 4

154 dirty words out of 50k, and I have an obvious favorite. Here’s a picture of the one instance of “motherfucker,” This is what it looks like when I’m making daily corrections. As you can see, I left motherfucker alone in my edits.



  1. Clearly you need to balance out your profanity – both C words are sorely underrepresented. You should remedy this at once, if for no other reason than to appease potential readers in the UK who use the big “C” with reckless abandon compared to folks in the US.

    1. I will up the cocksucking ante with great haste in chapter 11. The second book in the trilogy takes place in professional gaming tournaments, so there will plenty of the other C.

  2. Whenever I tell people my father was a sailor, a look of understanding crosses their face: Oh, so that’s where you got that mouth.

    I always save the Big C for those moments in my smut where I just want it to sound really dirty.

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