Children’s Shows That Should Die in a Fire
Children love this big purple dude inexplicably. Until they get to Kindergarten. Then they come home from school and solemnly announce that “Barney sucks.” No shit.
Not only is Barney a prancing dimwit, but the child actors are bottom of the barrel in looks and talent. I have personally endured more than my share of Barney over the last two decades. I deserve a Purple Heart for having my sanity continuously fragged by idiocy.
Sometime between Kid 2 and Kid 3 Barney got a new voice, his treehouse lair was replaced with a caboose, and someone new joined the family of dinosaurs: an orange turd named Riff. Riff is so obnoxious he makes BJ and Baby Bop look like a think tank. And really? BJ? Did they name him that to give the parents a giggle, or are the producers clueless? Baby Bop and BJ sound like the itinerary for a nooner.
Just fucking creepy. The reanimated corpses of a duckling, a hamster and a guinea pig sing and do stuff. The duck has a speech impediment. Heartwarming? Maybe if you’re into taxidermy.
A bald kid is a whiney bitch and his mother fails to beat him. So he has cancer (that’s why he’s Charlie Brown bald, yes?), are manners verboten in the oncology wing?
Max and Ruby
Poorly-drawn and apparently orphaned rabbits chill in the backyard. Ruby can’t have any fun because she always has to watch her little brother.
What is the name of the show with the dude from Dee-Lite, a studded dildo, a dewdrop and a robotic weird thing? I hate it.
I think these shows are made by people that hate children and want to prevent people from having any more of them,